But Tommy's Mommy Lets Him!

What do you do when your kid is friends with someone whose parents do not have the same parenting philosophy as you?

She said: Welcome yourself to the human race? Every single person out there has this problem because no parent has the same exact philosophy as the next. But your question begs the question of specificity. Are we talking you don’t let your child watch TV but when he goes to Tommy’s house they sit and watch cartoons? Or are we talking that your daughter’s best friend's parents let them hang out in the basement and smoke pot on the weekends? These are two monumentally different problems.

In cases like the first, I say you need to have your rules and let them have theirs. You can teach your child that he has to follow the rules of the house he is in and then explain your house rules to his friend when he comes over.

In cases like the latter, you may need to step in a control with whom your child associates. You can’t expect other people to parent the way you do, but you can determine what is acceptable for your own children. If there is a family that’s philosophy is so diametrically opposed to your own, you can forbid your child to go to that house. Make it clear that the friend is welcome in your house any time but that you will not allow your child to engage in the offending behavior even if her friend’s parents say it is okay. I would follow that with a call to the friend’s parents telling them that you certainly respect their right to make their own house rules but that your daughter is not allowed to engage in that certain behavior and that you would appreciate it if they would send her home if that activity is taking place. Most parents will respect your decision as long as you don’t sound judgmental delivering it. In very rare instances, you may need to express to your child (and possibly even the friend’s parents) that if you are disobeyed you will make the authorities aware of what is going on. But that should be a last resort.

He said: Baskin & Robbins has 31 flavors and there are this many and more parenting styles. Your style isn’t necessarily more right or theirs more wrong. Your parenting style is your own and right for YOUR kids. You know what is best for them and other parents know what is best for their own children. So unless their parenting style is actually hurting your child for example they allow their children to hit and “fight it out,” then get over it.

Then discuss with your child why your rules are in place and may not be for others. Sometimes you need to explain that “Smith rules are for the Smith family.” Try not to offend the other parents if possible, but in the end your kids are your responsibility so you have to do what you feel is right. That is your most important job so don’t give in to societal pressures. That is not the America we grew up in and part of what is wrong with the country today. Every kid needs to hear “Because I said so!” every now and then.

This all goes back to the expression “if So and So’s parents let her jump off a bridge would you?” Because someday this will come to “So and So’s parents let him drink at 17” (and heaven forbid then drive). Is this where you want this to lead to? If not, stand your ground, stick to your convictions, and raise your own child the way you feel is right.