Monetary Harmony

Okay, I'll bite...how have you made it through 15 years of marriage without a single argument about money?

We said: I am more of a saver; he is more of a spender. I ask for almost everything as a gift for a birthday or Christmas; he buys what he wants when he sees it. I take short weekends with friends to family owned cabins in neighboring states; he flies across country to watch the Red Sox play in multiple cities each year. His haircuts cost $20; my color cost about six times as much. So how is it we have never had an argument about money? Here is our simple plan:

1. Figure out how much you spend on all joint expenditures. Consider everything from mortgage, food, gas, cable, phone, electric, oil, kids activities, to retirement and college funds, even joint vacations. Don’t leave out anything that you would categorize as a “family” expense.
2. Include some money for the unexpected (car repairs, leaky roof, etc.) We used the figure of 10% of the joint salaries before expenses. We call this rainy day money. Thank God we did this because after being unemployed for 16 months it is pouring!
3. Then it is a simple algebraic equation. What percent of each of your salaries is needed to cover your joint expenses? For us it was originally 96% of each salary; it went down to 90% at one point and now that we are unemployed it is up to 100% of every penny we may earn.
4. Have the corresponding amount automatically deposited from each of your paychecks into a joint checking account.
5. Then set up individual savings accounts.
6. Each individual can spend his or her money on whatever they want without accounting to the other. But when your own money runs out it is gone…you cannot dip into the joint account for any reason!

That way, there is never an argument that he spent too much on golf or that she wasted money on that new pair of jeans. We also use our “me” money to buy the other person’s birthday and anniversary gifts. Somehow it felt funny the other way since it meant we were contributing to our own gift.

Unless you make exactly the same salary, one of you will have more “me” money than the other, but that person also contributes more to the joint account. A percentage-based contribution is really the fairest way to go.

At one point I was a stay at home mom and I had saved enough money to support this plan for 5 years. When it ran out, I got a part time job so I would have some more me money and of course I began contributing to the household expenses again. I only made about $150 a week so I only got $15 for myself, but it kept us both honest and out of arguments.

If you are in a situation where one of you can’t work then you can devise a budget that works for you both. Perhaps you each get half of what’s left over. Again, you have to figure out your household expenses FIRST. You can only spend money on incidentals if you have the extra money to spend or this won’t work. If you can’t pay bills because you are overindulging yourselves, you’ll fight no matter what. And if that sounds like you, our advice is to cut up the credit cards and spend cash only. You can’t spend what you don’t have and that will keep you honest. For the rest of you, this yours/mine/ours approach has proven very successful for us and we hope it will for you too!